Yup. Eighties ear worm. You’re welcome.
But seriously. This is how I’m feeling the last few days. Comparatively, at least. The last few days, I’ve felt… normal. Happy. Content. Not like I can’t handle life and want to cry all the time. It’s… awesome. I’m a little nervous it won’t last, but I can breathe. I can see the light, even on the greyest of days.
My last post in August was a bit of a reprieve in what has largely been a sea of uncertainty and discontent the last few months. The shots didn’t seem to be helping as much as they had initially. And I was at a loss for what to do.
But last month I was drawing close to the bottom of the bottle of vitamin B complex I had purchased from my naturopath last spring. So I tried to buy another, only to find laws had changed and they couldn’t sell it to me. So they wrote a prescription for the pharmacy. And the pharmacist called me to verify if I wanted to proceed since it was costly and my insurance didn’t cover it. How costly, I asked. I used to pay $72 for the 30mL vial at the naturopath. For the exact same vial through the pharmacy, the cost was now $225. And they informed that it only lasted 3 months before it lost effectiveness.
Two things went through my head:
- Ouch. $225 each quarter. That’s over $1000 a year for meds if you count the fees for the second type of vitamin B and the syringes.
- If the medicine lost potency after 3 months, perhaps that’s why the shots didn’t seem to be helping like they did at the beginning. Hmmm.
So I bit the bullet and ordered the costly supplement. And after a couple of shots (it needs to build up in your system), I started feeling awesome. Starting about last Friday, I no longer felt a weight on my shoulders, tears constantly pricking behind my eyelids. So I’m only four days in, but I’m thankful for a few days of normalcy.
Worked out well since we had a Gentle Hallow’s Eve party for our Waldorf school Saturday night at the local roller rink, where I happily skated all night for the first time in nearly 30 years! We had a blast, and Sunshine and Moonglow can’t wait to go back. Sunshine, true to form, was nervous about going since she had never been, but quickly got past that. Moonglow, as expected, nearly had to be dragged off the floor at the end of the night. Pardon the expression, but that girl went “balls out” all night, barreling around with the “skate mate” (think walker on wheels for young skaters) insisting she didn’t need any help. At the end of the night, her face was red and her hair was wet from the exertion, but she had a smile on her face all night, even when she fell, repeatedly (seriously, the girl looks like a bruised banana!).
In other news, for the first time all year, I felt like doing something productive in the kitchen. I sliced up and dehydrated some apple slices for Sunshine this weekend. She was pretty excited.
So I’m not promising that I’m 100% back, or that I’ll be back to posting as regularly as I once did. But I wanted to report on some rays of light at the end of ten months of mental darkness. To tell others who may be struggling that it is real, to keep talking to people and looking for something that might be your ray of light.
Wish me luck. And I wish you all love and light.